Flickering Lights

The postings on this site are my own and don't necessarily represent IBM's positions, strategies.

Lending Urgency to My Blogging Desire

Will we have a power failure during this first bit of 2009 snow? Will I be able to complete my blog-entry before the lights and network shut off?

Will I have enough time to write about how a friend feels that I can help him achieve immortality?

And how sisterly and overwhelming at the same time it felt to go to a Korean spa with my two sisters last weekend, being naked in front of one another for the first time ever in one case and in another, for the first time, since childhood, and also in front of a number of gorgeous strangers?

Will I be able to write about my sadness at my mother's transition to car-less-ness? Even as I know it's safer? And even as I consider what a big change it is for someone like her, who has been such a free spirit historically?

Will I manage to express the pleasure I felt, reading about Meredith Baxter in "People" magazine, including the sweet pix with her partner and children? Will I be able to explain why the pleasure is a mix of team-spirit pride and desire? Will I be able to describe how she was a vague object of childhood attraction for me, ever since "Bridget Loves Bernie?"

Will I have time to express the depth of my nostalgia for the neighbors who were my childhood friends, their parents, pets and lovely nanny? All prompted by a Facebook exchange earlier today with the friend who is my age and who also recalled our winter-time fun together?

How can I blog about all of that before the lights go out and the network goes down? Or before my appetite for dinner distracts me too much to continue...which it is now doing?

Hungry

The postings on this site are my own and don't necessarily represent IBM's positions, strategies.

...to Be Known

My therapist earlier: "You yearn to be known, and everyone does, but a lot of people have given up and don't even try [to be known]. You do. You're hopeful."

I think from now on, I'll include only the semi-flattering stuff from our sessions, or won't write about the sessions at all. I've been going for a month, twice a week, since Week 3, for a total of six sessions so far, and it's a treat.

As my friend urged me, I'm trying to bring *every*thing to my sessions and to use them as a relationship-lab. I've also stopped taking notes for later during the sessions. I was self-conscious and not fully present when I scribbled.

I *will* mention that I told my therapist that Meredith Baxter's coming out made me desirous and hopeful -- that she reminded me of Pat, and that just knowing about her self-awareness made me feel re-excited about my own self-knowledge.

We also talked about how I'd like express fewer thoughts and more feelings both aloud and in my writing.

Gratitude

The postings on this site are my own and don't necessarily represent IBM's positions, strategies.

It's That Time of the Year

I'm feeling especially grateful, thank God, that:

• Pat and I are happy as a couple and essentially healthy
  
• Our mothers are still alive and alert and funny and brilliant
  
• Pat and I feel devoted to our siblings and apparently, vice versa
  
• Our nephews and niece are growing up interestingly and express their love for us
  
• I have a job
  
• My job is stimulating and enables me to experiment with how adults learn
  
• I am healthy enough to exercise regularly
  
• My therapist is good and costs so little thanks to a generous benefit from my employer
  
• This week is a vacation-week
  
• I'm doing really well in grad school and still primarily enjoying it
  
• Our planes were on time and there was not terrible weather for our flights so far
  
• Phoebe and Toonces, the cats, have become our beloved daughters
  
• I have brilliant, loving friends whose friendship I enjoy whenever I avail myself of it
  
• My school-reading is done for the semester and I can read for pleasure solidly from now till January
  
• I feel free to be myself.